5th week...

Mixture of hues this week it seems,
in the dark of morning, the darkness seems even darker,
the rainbow peeks through the gloomy sky, at last,
it is not a rainbow actually, just colourful flowers and leaves waiting to wilt.


Glaring enviously at the pair of butterfly that keep on dancing euphorically under the bright merry sun,
yet the invisible wall hinders the desire, to move as such,
though illusions keep on enticing the suppressed soul of self,
in the end, winter persist forever it seems,
to avoid the existence of the sweetness of flowers.


The mirror reflects an irony,
truth that never dawned before,
the sound of grappling and drowning,
for the fresh breeze of serenity.


How long will this winter last,
no one knows except the Know It All,
hope fuel the remaining steps,
towards uncertainty...

Sunday Oct 25th 2009

Today:

1) I try cooking fried rice for the first time. Maybe some of you would say 'What's the big deal'. But to me, it is a big deal. It is my first step to explore the world of cooking [WHAT AN EXAGGERATION!]. I simply try out the recipe given to me by my friend. I had to keep on looking on that piece of paper constantly for fear of making mistakes and end up cooking something else instead. The part that I cannot forget the most is when my eyes got all watery while cutting the onion and while frying them. It was excruciatingly painful (even now while I am typing). Tears running down river-like. Please give me tips regarding this particular step in cooking.

2) I noticed lately that my mind is busy thinking about A, B, and C. I even dreamed about them constantly. I know that I cannot even think of A. But my mind simply refuse to let the idea go. I have been contemplating about B quite a lot and fortunately it is something attainable. But, to attain it, I have to make certain sacrifices that I am not that sure I am capable of doing. C is a special matter. I have been thinking about it since I was in school till now. I wonder when I will ever stop thinking about it. I guess until I can solve it.

3) Constantly being left alone in the house feels rather weird. Should I go and join them. But I am not sure whether I can cope with the guilt of leaving my books behind. Unfortunately, all my books are big in size and hence hinders me from carrying them around all the times. How can I travel and at the same time have my books by my side? Any suggestions anyone?

Still adapting... etc...

I wonder why I am damned lazy to update this blog nowadays. I guess now I am still adapting to my new life here in Coventry. There are several issues that I am feeling rather uncertain about...

1) I thought I had travelled to a new country and start a new life, but, guess what, most of the things are still the same. IPIP lecturers are HERE (in different forms). Bloody scary man! The similarities!

2) I thought that once I left IPIP, I would not encounter the term "CULTURE" again. But here I am again, writing, reading and THINKING about CULTURE! Really, once I finished the course (luckily only for one year) I should be able to have a degree in CULTURE myself. Imagine, 3 years of CULTURE (2 years in Ipoh, 1 year here) already! That is equal to a degree! And yet I am still on my third week of my first years of my degree. :(

3) The same problem persists again. I wonder when it will ever end. Why it is so difficult for me to understand the notion that some things in this life is impossible to achieve. Some things are not supposed to be achieved. Why in the world I am so stubborn?! And KAMAL, you are not helping the situation! You are suppose to guide, not entice me even more. I expect better of you! Izla will kill you if he knows what you are doing right now!

4) Why when I am busy reading somewhere outside the privacy of my room (eg. in the bus, bus stop, etc...) someone is bound to disturb me. Honestly, it is very annoying you know when I am reading and you guys just out of sudden came up and ask me what is the title of the book. The irony is, when I am not reading, not many are keen to start a conversation. SO, NEXT TIME, IF YOU SAW ME READING, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM DISTURBING MY FOCUS ON THE BOOK (unless it is very necessary to do so). Really sorry for being rude here... but reading is the only time I could explore the unexplored...

5) Many people have criticised my decision of not going anywhere while I am studying here. I know that you guys mean well, but, I think I know what I am doing you know. I am not that good at multitasking, unlike you guys. I cannot feel happy to do anything else unless I finished all my work (which seems never ending). Besides, I have my own mission. I have my own plan. I appreciate you guys' invitation, but I am not ready yet. Maybe one day... [AND THIS APPLY TO ALL MY DECISIONS THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN BUSILY TRYING TO CHANGE, PLEASE! ] THIS IS MY LIFE!!!

I CAN ASK FOR HELP WHEN I NEED IT!

Experience in UK so far...

Honestly, I am feeling ambivalent about what I had been going through since I arrived here in the United Kingdom, to be more specific, the town of Coventry. You see, previously, I had thought that everything about studying in the UK is totally different compared to studying in IPTA in Malaysia, but now it seems that they are rather similar in several aspects.

1) Nothing in this world is perfect. At first, I thought that this University that I am currently studying in was flawless, impeccably efficient and trouble-free. To my disappointment due to my forgetfulness, this University is almost like any other IPTAs in Malaysia (this is my opinion and I am entitled to express my opinion whenever, however and wherever I like, sorry to anyone who was offended by it). What I meant here was that this University also has its own problems and flaws. But, of course, compared to some of Malaysian IPTAs, I believe that Warwick fares a little bit better.

After studying in IPGM Ipoh for two years, I am grateful that the facilities here are better and more sufficient for us student to study comfortably. However, I would not trade the experience that I had gained in IPGM Ipoh for anything as they are precious and priceless.

2) Another dilemma that I am currently facing is the difficulty to adapt to sharing. To be frank, I am not fond of sharing unless with those who I am really close with, which posed problem for me to adapt to the fact that I am living in a house of five people. It seemed hard for me to ask for other peoples' help, even though I would love to help other people. I am also not used to ask for things such as food from other people (except close ones), but I really do not mind much about other people asking from me (of course there is a boundary for it right?). It is so hard for me (especially as my knowledge in cooking is almost zero).

3) I still remember perfectly well what one of my lecturer used to said to us back in Ipoh. He said that the government is sending you to UK so that you can immerse yourself with the culture and mingle around with native speakers of English. The issue here is that, in the class, everyone is a Malaysian, at the hostel, everyone is also a Malaysian. Do not get me wrong here. It is not like I hate Malaysian or something as such, it just that what is the point of going to the UK to obtain a degree if we only mix around Malaysian students. Of course I can join any societies here, but, that would cost quite a lot of money (same goes for sports). I might as well studies in UPSI if I only rub along with fellow Malaysians.

3) And maybe the most crucial of all is that I cannot help but to think of Malaysian Ringgit every time I wanted to buy something. This resulting in everything seemed so expensive as I kept converting the price to Malaysian Ringgit. Consequently, it hindered me from buying things and doing my shopping happily as I have to keep on checking my wallet every few minutes while shopping. Of course this is good as it helped me to keep my expenditure in check. But still...

Please, just shut our mouth sometimes...

So, HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI is here again, (SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to all my relatives, friends and acquaintances, my deepest apologies for all my sins and wrong doings). And, as usual, we (my family), went back to my late grandparents' house for the usual family gathering. Honestly, I am not that keen about family gathering. There are many reasons for this:

1) There will be bad mouthing here and there. In that corner, one group will be talking badly about this group or people, and in other corner, another convention about this or that particular person. How horrible... this is Raya, please, just shut our mouth about all those bad talks...

2) The house will be quite packed with people, and it is important to note here that I do not like to be crammed inside a house with many people (unless the house is a mansion or at least a manor with dozens of rooms to spare), shared bathrooms with many people (queuing up for bathrooms), here and there, almost everywhere got people, really, it is troublesome some times... no privacy...

3) As the house is not mine, I will have to abide by the house rules and regulations. Do not get me wrong, I am fine with rules and regulations, but some rules are quite old-fashioned and really does not seem necessary. I cannot sleep as early as most people, so, I fill up the time reading, but here (in this house), whenever people sleep, it must be really dark and therefore no light can be permitted. This restricted me from reading. In the end, I was forced to lie down and just stare around in the dark. What a waste of time. (There is no internet connection here, so, pointless to switch on my laptop) How bored...

4) I was forced to go out of the room and be around the "masses" by my mother. I am not against mixing with other people, really, but you cannot expect me to mix around all the time. Not all people are suitable for me to mix around with. I almost suffocate there. Where is the freedom...

Of course, there is also some advantages of family gathering:

1) Catch up with the latest news of our relatives

2) Consolidating the family bond

3) Receive some "Duit Raya" (which has dwindled a lot if compared with during my childhood) (oklah, Alhamdulillah, who wanted to gave out money to other people just like that right?)

4) etc...

Very Interesting...

Yesterday I watched Malaysia Hari Ini (TV3) early during the days and one slot really attracts me. Two guests (who are siblings) came to the show and talked about their passion of reading. YOU CANNOT IMAGINE HOW RELIEVED I FELT UPON HEARING THAT. Of all the topics in the world to talk about, that slot focussed on READING. The two brothers shared their stories of how they came to like reading and even started writing. As we all know, parents play an important role in instilling the reading culture to their children. Same goes here. One of the things that really inspired me is when they talked about "UNIVERSITY AT THE DINING TABLE". This concept is introduced in their family by their father. Every dinner time, each member of the family had to present to the rest of the family what they had read in that particular day. Their father made it compulsory for them to do this. This forced them to really find a book or article or any source of information before dinner and read them thoroughly as they need to present their findings later on during dinner. This leads to the development of the passion for reading in them all. I really find this method useful and I hope I will be able to implement it to my students later on.

Besides reading, the brothers also write. One of them has even advanced to the level of producing several books. How enviable. I wish I could come out with a book or even books on my own one day. I really hope so. Right now, I only managed to write out in blog... I need to start somewhere, right? One step at a time... even though they are just baby steps...

They are future teachers, huh!

Last night (or morning already), my friend told me (through YM) that his work has been copied again by others. Frankly, I have heard this type of whining from him so regularly that I am so tired and exhausted upon hearing it. Copying work? If you ask me, I will say that it is such a disgusting and heinous thing as I believe each piece of assignment given to us by the lecturers is a responsibility that need to be carried out with honesty and credibility. Asking for advice on how to complete the assignment is fine, but, copying is outrageously unacceptable. Even plagiarism is considered acceptable if you compared it with copying other people's work. That is so low. At least, for plagiarism, you still put some effort to copy and paste from the source such as the internet, book, etc... Some are even more appalling as to just taking their friend's piece of work and later renaming it as theirs and maybe changing several words here and there.

The problem with this extremely kind and benevolent friend of mine is that he is too kind. Sometimes I feel like he is far more suitable to be a welfare officer or social worker. Why in the world did you let those LAZY SCROUNGER copy your work. I thought you of all people there have more sense in you. Let them do their own work. They are not disabled or handicapped (I think). They can certainly complete their own work by themselves. Why should you be too kind to help them. You are allowing them to get credit for your hard work. You work hard to do all those assignment, searching and browsing through the internet and library to look for information, while most of those "EXCELLENT" future teachers are enjoying their time with unnecessary activities such as PLAYING GAMES. But, owing to your kindness (or idiocy, the difference is rather vague, don't you think?), they are still able to submit their work on time. Really, I thought you are clever...

I even heard this friend of mine complaining about being asked to do work for some of these lazybones. Initially, they ask for his help to guide them with the work, but eventually, this easily manipulated friend of mine ended up doing their work. What nonsense! To add more, when the work had been submitted and later rejected by the lecturer (because the lecturer did not believe that could be their work), they came to him to ask him to alter the work by making the work a little bit more erroneous so that the lecturer would believe that the work had been completed by them. How shameful! They cannot even made mistakes. They cannot made proper work and incorrect work! So, what can they do?! I hope the answer is not "NOTHING". That would be a really sad thing, isn't it? Teachers that can do nothing. We certainly do not need those type of teachers.

Another uselessness that I was told about some of these clowns is that they could be really "active" when it comes to GROUP WORK. Whenever there is a group task or assignment, this friend of mine would grumble as he would be doing the work almost alone. The others in the group seemed to be too preoccupied with something else, I presume. But, the unfortunate thing is, when it comes to group work or task, the evaluation and mark will most probably be divided equally to all the members of the group. So, if only a few of the members are actually doing the work, the other PASSENGERS will get their mark simply by doing nothing. I really hate and loathe SLEEPING PARTNER when it comes to group assignment, work or task. That is why I dreaded most of the time when lecturers gave such a work, unless I am sure that all my group members are capable and willing to work together to complete the work.

Unfortunately, sadly for me to say this but these people that I mentioned just now are future teachers. They will be teaching our children which are also the next generation of leaders of this country. Unless they changed their lazy way, I am scared to think about the future of our country. Really really scared...

PS: I apologise to any individuals who might be offended by this piece of writing, but if you somehow practise any of the SINS mentioned above, please do change...