LIFE OF LOVE

Rapatkanlah saf... =(

2011-08-06T08:13:00.000-07:00

Aku peliklah surau tempat aku buat solat Terawih ni. Safnya jarang2. Kalau letak sorang lagi tengah2 tu pun muat. Hish. Serba salah aku. Dah nampak aku rapat ke sebelah tu rapat2kanlah. Ini tidak. Buat dek je. Sabar jelah. Takkan pasal semua besar2 nak ruang untuk solat pun nak besar2 macam tu. Entahlah. Maknanya kesedaran untuk merapatkan saf tak berapa nak kuat di kalangan kita. Imam pun kena mainkan peranan aktif. Sebelum start solat tu tegur mana2 saf yang tak rapat. Aku rasa imam tu pun segan nak tegur memandangkan dia pun diorang jemput dari Thailand sana, bukan orang taman ni. Entahlah. Yang paling penting, aku yang sedar ni kenalah buat something. Huhuhuhuhuhu...

More info...

2010-08-02T16:21:00.000-07:00

1. General knowledge

Now that you are in the process of coming to UK, I really urge you guys to put some effort in increasing you guys' general knowledge. By having vast general knowledge, you will be in advantage to engage with OTHER students and mix with THEM better.

You could read the newspaper everyday, watch the news on TV regularly, read about one or two countries daily and I am sure all of you could think of many other ways to increase your general knowledge.

2. Clothing

Don't bring too much clothing. You will inevitably buy new clothes when you arrive here in UK.

3. Sports

If any of you are interested in doing any particular sports in UK, make sure you bring the necesssary equipments such as badminton, tennis or squash racket to UK. Those things could be expensive here in UK compared to in Malaysia.

4. Food

Instead of brnging many clothes, bring a lot of food instead. Especially MALAYSIAN spices and herbs which could be difficult to get here. Rice is not a problem.

5. Interesting places

Places to look out for once you arrive here:

a) Coventry City Centre [shopping basically, theatre, food, etc.]
b) Leaminton Spa [shopping, beautiful scenery, etc.]
c) Stratford Upon Avon [Shakespeare's place, tourist attraction, theatre, shopping, beautiful scenery, etc.]
d) Birmingham [shopping, food, tourist attractions, etc.]
e) Warwick Castle [tourist attraction]
f) Kenilworth

feel like sharing...

2010-07-26T05:24:00.000-07:00

1) Financial matter

I still remember during our pre-departure briefing. We were given our allowance in the form of traveller's cheque. The problem was that it came in the currency of EURO.

The problem was not that big actually. The problem was that EURO and Pound Sterling were not always in equal rate. Therefore, by converting the EURO traveller's cheques to Pound Sterling, the amount of money that we got was different in amount in EURO and in Pound Sterling. Different places and institutions (banks, money changers, etc.) have different rates in changing the money. Some of us who went to Bank A end up with more money than some of us who went to Money Changer B. So, some of us end up having more Pound Sterling than others even though in the beginning all of us have the same EURO traveller's cheques. The difference could sum up to even 100 Pound.

The moral of the story is that, if you guys ever be in the same situation ( I mean receiving your allowance in the form of EURO traveller's cheques), make sure you survey and scan the entire city (or even the next city... they said the bigger the city the more money we can get... London and Birmingham are good examples) for the place that offers the highest value for you.

2) Resource

In terms of academic resource in Warwick, there is not much reason to worry. We can go to the library, the Learning Grid and (specifically for B. Ed. TESL students) the Resource Centre.

The library has 5 floor. Each floor has their own theme and specific books for specific subjects and courses. It is open from 8.30 a.m. until 12.00 a.m. (for ordinary term time) and 8.00 a.m. until 2.00 a.m. (during examination period). It will only be closed for special vacations such as Christmas and Easter. Even then, it will not be closed for long.

Undergraduate students can borrow up to 10 books for 2 weeks. You cannot keep borrowing the same books forever (like how some of us did back then in IPIP). After 2 weeks you need to renew your loan. This can be done via online. You cannot renew if other people request for the books. Requesting for books can also be done via online.

Some books (especially those in high demand can only be borrowed for 3 days and some could only be borrowed for 1 night).

The Learning Grid opens 24 hours, 7 days a week. It only closes on special vacation such as Christmas. Books at the Learning Grid are only for reference purposes (it cannot be borrowed).

The Resource Centre is another place that we could borrow books from (only for students of Centre for Applied Linguistics).

More information for the juniors...

2010-07-24T01:47:00.000-07:00

Just feeling like sharing some more information (even though I am not sure whether it will be useful for you guys or not as I did not know you guys specific situation). Nevertheless, I will just write it down here.

1) ISIC card

ISIC card is useful (I think) if you are one of those who are planning to travel a lot later on. I think you can get discount or something when you want to stay at a hostel somewhere.

The point that I want to emphasise is not that. In Malaysia, the card would only cost you around RM 20 (I can't remember the exact figure). In UK (you can do it in the university itself), it would cost 9 Pound (I think)(which is more expensive if you compare with the Malaysian price).

I have an ISIC card and I honestly never use it. So, think carefully whether you want to have one or not. But I believe most seniors would say that we do not need the card.

2) GRAD card

I am not sure whether you already know about this. Nevertheless, I will write it here anyway. With this card I could bring 10 KG extra during my first flight to the UK (instead of just 20 KG for the luggage weight limit). So I could bring more stuffs.

Before this, I did my GRAD card in MAS office somewhere in KL. But, I think they have changed the location to KL Central (I was told). You just have to fill in some form (I think we downloaded the form from the website) and pay some fees (maybe around RM 30 I think, I forgot). After several minutes, we were issued with a temporary card and later on they posted the real card to our houses. We have to show the card during check-in at the KLIA.

But then again, this card is NOT something COMPULSORY. It is useful to allow 10 KG more of luggage weight though. Think about it.

3) Freshers' Fair

Once you arrived here in Warwick, there will be a FRESHERS' FAIR in Warwick. I think it will be the whole of the first week. They will have Societies Fair, Sports Fair and some other stuffs. Make sure you fully explore this first week extremely thoroughly as you can get many freebies and most importantly, valuable information, about societies, sports facilities and all the opportunities offered here in Warwick.

We did our bank account at a booth during FRESHERS' FAIR once we arrived. I believed you guys know the importance of having a bank account straight away right...

For the MUSLIMS, please use the Islamic account if possible. I don't think I need to elaborate further there.

4) Vaccination

One more important thing. Before I came to Warwick, I did my vaccination (MENINGITIS I think) in Malaysia. It costs me around RM 100 as I did in a private clinic. I heard it would cost around RM 80 in Public Hospital or clinic(back then, still, I am not quite sure).

The point is, many of my friends have the vaccination at the University Health Centre for FREE. I have to pay around RM 100 for it while most of my friends have it for FREE. How sad... =( huhuhu...

The conclusion is, you can just have the vaccination at Warwick Health Centre for FREE. (I AM NOT SURE ABOUT THIS YEAR THOUGH, LAST YEAR IT WAS FREE)

5) Rail card

This is one important thing for those of you who think they will travel a lot, especially by train. By having this card, we get discounted price for train tickets. The card is for one year and it will cost around 30 Pound. But I don't think this card is something urgent. Just settle all the necessary things first upon arrival before planning for this card.

6) International Office trips

Another interesting thing that we could occupy our time with is International Office trips. The International Office organises trips almost every week to different places in UK. One thing about the trips is that everything is prepared for you. The only thing for you to do is pay the fee. And the fee is not that expensive. Very affordable. By joining these trips, we don't have to spend our time and brain power in planning our transportation. They will prepare everything for you. Just pay the amount asked (which is not expensive) and hop on the coach. [Of course, if you like and enjoy planning your own journey, go for it]

Among the trips that the International Office had organised were trips to Oxford, Cambridge, Bath, Windsor Castle, Leeds, Portsmouth and many more. All the trips are day-trip and only on weekend. So, it will not disturb your classes and we don't have to pack our clothings and all.

The information about the trips are put on the International Office website. The main thing here is to always check the university website and YOUR EMAIL (sometimes we receive email informing about all these interesting stuffs). Warwick is not like IPIP, everything will be aired through the PA system and assembly. In Warwick, we have to find the information ourselves. I guess that's how universities are.

7) HOST UK

This is a MUST-go program. By doing so, we could experience living in a British house with a British family. And most importantly, it is FREE (at least for the first time). You can apply whether to live with the HOST for a weekend or for a week. We can even go for the HOST program by bringing our friends along. MAKE SURE YOU APPLY FOR IT.

8) Dentist and Spectacles

Most people say that the cost for dental treatment and spectacles here are expensive. So, make the necesssary treatment in Malaysia or bring a pair or two of spectacles would not be a bad idea.

But then again, make sure you guys settle all the necessary and compulsory matters such as enrolment, bank account, accommodation, etc. before thinking about all these other stuffs. Feel free to ask me or some other experienced seniors for information. I just want to make sure that you guys are well-informed so that you guys can plan your life here in Warwick well.

Useful information for the beloved JUNIORS...

2010-07-22T02:17:00.000-07:00

Here are some of the things that I feel you JUNIORS should know and act upon if you guys are interested in optimising your life in Warwick:

1) Foreign Language courses

I am not sure about your cohort but I don't think my cohort will have a foreign language module. Therefore, some of us ,seniors, are planning to enroll for foreign language courses for the next academic year. I feel deep regret for not knowing about this foreign language courses during my First Year as First Year is (according to most people) the simplest and less busy of our degree studying and therefore very suitable to do any extra courses that we want to. Of course you will have to pay for the fees (which is not that cheap, but not that expensive also if we acknowledge the fact that we could get LANGUAGE CERTIFICATE from the University of Warwick, among the top universities in the world). Think about that. Besides, by joining other classes outside our CORE MODULES, we could interact with OTHER students instead of mingling with our TESL siblings all the time.

2) Extra courses

This is another interesting things that we could be doing in Warwick. By joining extra courses, we could learn something else besides our CORE MODULES. Examples of the courses available are English Studies, Psychology, Creative Writing and many more. And after completing the course, you are eligible to receive a certificate. This will look good on our CV. Then again, nothing is free in Warwick (except for several few stuffs). If we want to join these courses, we need to pay the fees, which is already discounted as we are a full-time student at Warwick.

3) Warwick Skills Workshops

This is something all of you (and maybe some of the seniors) should not let go. IT'S FREE. TOTALLY FREE. The only thing you need to do is register (book your place) and then attend the workshops. After that, you will need to write a reflective blog and after attending all the required workshops, we will get an award in the form of a certificate.

The problem is that place is limited. Make sure you book early. And by joining these workshops, we will have the opportunity to mix around with OTHER students and get to feel the experience of studying in an INTERNATIONAL classroom (instead of all Malaysian classroom like how our course is).

4) Volunteering

This is another way to interact more with OTHER students. By volunteering also, we could gain certificate and award after we have done several hours of volunteering. Besides, volunteering will gives us a different sort of experience. We could be involved with kids, old folks, environmental campaigns and many more. Just choose any project that we like.

Additional information: Some volunteering will require us to undergo criminal check by the police. Make sure you bring the Letter of Good Conduct as you will need the letter.

5) Societies

There are hundreds of societies here. Another opportunities to mix around. But in order to join any particular societies, we need to pay the UMBRELLA FEE to Warwick Student Union. If you pay straight away for 3 years, it will be cheaper (this is what I did) compared to if we pay at the beginning of each academic year. Only after we have pay this fee that we can join any societies that we want. To join a society, there is a fee that we need to pay also. Make sure you can actually commit to the societies later. You don't want to end up like me who pay fees for many societies but I never actually attend most of their activities as I could not find the time to join their activities with all our business as TESL students (assignments, seminar tasks, etc.). And by joining the societies, we could vote for our friends if they are running for a position in the societies. Last time, many TESL students could not vote for our friends as they are not registered with the societies.

6) Free play/theatre/performance

Another free stuffs for us. This one enables us to watch free plays/theatres/performances for free (unless if you prefer to pay for it, which could be expensive generally). But places are limited and you must be quick if you really interested in watching all these free shows. There are several places that we could watch free shows. There are the Warwick Arts Centre (in the university itself), Belgrade Theatre (in the Coventry City Centre), Royal Shakespeare Company (in Stratford Upon Avon, which is quite far, there are buses though) and REP Theatre (in Birmingham, we can get there by train).

ADVICE:

1) It is very hard for us, TESL students, to mix around with OTHER students as our course is tailored just for us and therefore only us, Malaysian, will be in the course. So, make sure we grab every opportunities there are to mix around and socialise with OTHER students as by doing that we could practise our English (it is difficult to speak English with fellow TESLians, I don't know why, not many are actually willing)and broaden our connection and it will expose us to many different ways of thinking and culture from all around the world.

AS I AM NOT SURE WHETHER YOU GUYS WILL BE STAYING ON-CAMPUS OR OFF-CAMPUS, I AM JUST GIVING GENERAL INFORMATION HERE.

FEEL FREE TO EMAIL (OR WHATEVER MEANS OF COMMUNICATION) TO ASK FOR FURTHER DETAIL OR ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. :-)

HOPE ALL OF THESE WILL BE HELPFUL TO YOU GUYS...

The Five People You Meet in Heaven: meaningful quotations

2010-07-18T13:34:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to everyone of you,

I have just finished reading a book titled as mentioned above. It is written by Mitch Albom and the publisher is Time Warner Paperbacks. It is such an interesting book that I cannot help to use those colour tags on some of the pages as they have such meaningful quotations. I just feel like sharing it with you guys.

1) Strangers are just family you have yet to come to know.

If only everyone holds on to this belief, the world most probably will be such a peaceful, blissful and harmonious place to live in.

2) No life is a waste. The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.

3) What happens on earth is only the beginning.

4) Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else.

I like this one so much. I think it is brilliant.

5) You lost something, but you gained something as well. You just don't know it yet.

That is the sad truth isn't it. We don't know it yet.

6) Our eyes are different. What you see ain't what I see.

7) Died = passed away = moved on = meet your maker

Even though all of these are actually semantically the same, I feel differently to each of them. Do you feel like that?

8) You have peace when you make it with yourself.

9) Things that happen before you are born still affect you. And people who come before your time affect you as well.

And WE will affect THOSE in the future, even those who we might never met. Our action at this very particular present time will have an impact on someone else whether it is in the near or the far future as how the actions of people from the past are affecting us now.

10) Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from the inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.

11) Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it. LIFE HAS TO END, LOVE DOESN'T.

12) EACH AFFECTS THE OTHER AND THE OTHER AFFECTS THE NEXT, AND THE WORLD IS FULL OF STORIES, BUT THE STORIES ARE ALL ONE.

I found this quotations as the most prominent of all. It is the last sentence in the book and it summarises the entire book I believe.

Muhammad Saiful Izzuddin
University of Warwick
July 2010

giving up... ???

2010-07-14T17:40:00.000-07:00

It just dawned on me that I am just a puppet. I have no control whatsoever of anything whatsoever. I still remember from one of my Culture and Citizenship module lecture that one of the reasons people are unhappy is because they don't have control over their lives, they feel powerless. But, guess what... All of us are powerless... extremely powerless... have no control or power whatsoever over our own life.

ALLAH really works in such a mysterious way that sometimes it is hard not to question HIS decisions. Sometimes I would feel so angry and disappointed about the things that happened in my life that I would ask the question 'Why did YOU do this to me?'. I know how wrong it is to even think of such a thing but I just can't help it lately. I just get so lost. So despair. So wanted to just give up and just let whatever happened happen. Try to stop thinking. Trying hard to stop worrying as my best friend frequently said to me ' Life is so short. Let's not spend time worrying and start living instead. Enjoy whatever we have now.' I wish it is as simple as saying it though... If only it is that simple...

Ya Allah... please forgive me for doubting you... please forgive me for questioning you... but... please also... guide me and help me to survive through this 'puzzle' you have set me in called LIFE...

How I dream of such feelings...

2010-07-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to everyone,

How long it has been since I last wrote something. Been busy with exam and organising and reorganising life lately. Sorry if there is any of you out there who keep on visiting this page only to find it full of dust and nothing new whatsoever (if there is someone who want visit this boring page that is).

Lately, I have been doing a lot of thinking (maybe too much as one of my friends pointed out). While I was doing it just now after completing my Asar prayer at the Prayer Hall, I cannot help but to notice these two brothers. I frequently saw them together. I guess they must be good friends or something. They are reciting the holy Al-Quran. Taking turns. One after the other. One will correct the other and vice versa. HOW SWEET... I am soooo JEALOUS... Even though this is not the first time they did that, but, somehow at this moment it struck me the most. How sweet and lovely it would be if I have good friends like that also. Can pray together most of the time, reciting the Al-Quran together, correcting and helping each other... How lovely that sort of friendship would be...

Then again, it could be my fault... for not working hard enough... to invite my friends to join me... maybe...BUT... Ya Allah... I do beseech and beg from You... please... please give to me that sort of friends... friends that I know will be able to bring me closer to You... friends that will always remind me about You... friends that will hold on and stay with me under Your Mercy and Love... that will keep holding on to me while both of us are looking and striving hard for Your Blessings... friends that will work hard alongside me and helping each other to achieve the success of this world and the Akhirat and later on stay forever in Your Beautiful Great HEAVEN together forever... Ya Allah... I do beseech and beg of Your Mercy, Your Love and Your Blessings... please give me friends that will walk side by side next to me holding each others hand on the path to Your Heaven... the eternal happiness and bliss... AMIN YA ALLAH...

Muhammad Saiful Izzuddin
Warwick University Library
6th June 2010

I'll be here...

2010-05-06T03:04:00.000-07:00

I'll be here,
behind you,
just in case you need me,
I'll be here,
InsyaAllah,
I'll be here...

I would love to,
fly with you,
among the beautiful clouds,
but,
sad it is indeed,
you are far advancing,
far too fast,
at full speed,
that I can't catch up,
I couldn't cope...
I couldn't cope...

But,
rest assured,
that I'll be here,
just in case you need me,
following from behind,
I'll be here,
as long as Allah permits it,
as long as Allah permits it...

Though you have no need of me,
as I have for you,
I just want you to know,
I want you to be happy,
I want you to fly far,
reaching your dreams and ambitions,
as far as you could...
as far as you could...

But,
just remember,
that I'll be here,
as long as Allah permits it,
I'll be here...
if ever you need me...
I'll be here...

Message from my heart...

2010-05-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

Am I burdening you,
what am I to you,
a burden? A bucketful of sorrow?
I wish I am not,
I really wish I am not,
but then again,
who knows... who knows...

I wistfully notice,
each time you set your eyes on others,
your eyes sparkle and shine,
with pure joy and felicity,

BUT,

it's heartbreaking,
to know that the case seems different,
as I only saw the desolateness, the coldness and the greyness of winter,
in those beautiful eyes of yours,
whenever you look THIS way,
unlike the dazzling bright spring, that blooms within their surface,
when you are in the company of others.

I don't want to be the black hole,
that sucks the light,
out of your cosmos,

I want to be one of the stars, that glittered you night sky,

if only I could... If only I could...

You are one of the sun,
that shines in my sky,
but I am the long harsh winter,
smothering your beautiful spring garden,

should I hinder?
should I deter?
from basking in your light,
lest I eventually 'kill' you,
with my darkness, coldness and dullness,

should I leave you to your sunny friends,
and deprive myself of your light.
Should I...? Should I...?

Do you notice that,
I am getting more frozen lately,

do you know why that is?

because you are getting farther and farther,
your light and warmth,
slowly drifting away,
beyond my reach,

I am too far behind,
you are too fast advancing,

could I feel,
the light again?
the warmth again?
I would love to... I would love to...

Most probably you would not have read this,
most probably you would never know,
this piece of my heart,
that I wrote here,
BUT,
I don't know,
just writing it down,
gives me the hope,
that someday you will,
stumble upon this,
and discover how I feel,
deep inside...

If only... If only...

Nasi Lemak and my late grandparents...

2010-04-25T03:03:00.000-07:00

Do you remember the feeling you had when you unwrapped a packet of Nasi Lemak?

I don't know why, but, I could vividly recall the feeling, the sensation, the taste and the aroma that perched on my senses with every movement of the unwrapping. What a feeling was that... Such nostalgia and memories...

I still remember whenever I reached my grandparents house, they will greet us with so much love and warmth that could melt the steeliest of the heart, the most frozen of feelings. My grandmother would reach for me and presented me with her tender kiss and her loving hug that is so comforting which could hurt the heart for its gentleness and sincerity. How I miss her... her brilliant smile...

And then, my grandfather...

I don't know why... but... he never showed much affection, at least not compared to my grandmother... But deep inside I know that he also loved us so much... Whenever we came for a visit, he would quickly grab his bicycle and headed out. And when he returned, for sure, there would be Nasi Lemak, ice cream, and many other traditional 'kuih's. That's how he showed his love to us... How I miss him... his jokes...

It is sad indeed. Very very sad. When all these happened, I was too immatured to notice all these. Too self-absorbed to respond to their love. To selfish to love them back. How I regret it now... If only...

But, what's the point of looking at it and cry... nothing will change... I might as well pray for them regularly... ask for them to be blessed and forgave by Allah... that's all I can I do now to love them... that's how I could say 'I love you so much' now... Ya Allah, please blessed my beloved grandparents...

happy again...

2010-03-29T06:04:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum,

been addicted to Leona Lewis' song 'Happy' lately...

Someone once told me that you have to choose
What you win or lose
You can't have everything
Don't you take chances
Might feel the pain
Don't you love in vain
Cause love won't set you free
I can't stand by the side
And watch this life pass me by
So unhappy
But safe as could be

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, yeah
Just wanna be happy, yeah

Verse 2:
Holding on tightly
Just can't let it go
Just trying to play my role
Slowly disappear, ohh
But all these days, they feel like they're the same
Just different faces, different names
Get me out of here
I can't stand by your side, ohh no
And watch this life pass me by, pass me by

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause i'm just trying to be happy, ohh, happy, ohh

Bridge:
So any turns that i can't see,
like I'm a stranger on this road
But don't say victim
Don't say anything

Chorus:
So what if it hurts me?
So what if i break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground
I gotta find my place
I wanna hear my sound
Don't care about all the pain in front of me

Outro:
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, yeah, happy, ohh, happy
I just wanna be, ohh
I just wanna be happy
Ohh, happy

*NO COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT INTENDED*

In a sense, it motivates me...

HAPPY...

Happy...

2010-03-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

Assalamualaikum,

happy, glad, delighted, euphoric, pleased, elated, contented, content, cheerful, joy, cheery, merry, jolly, carefree, untroubled, in good spirits, in a good mood, light-hearted, satisfied, gratified, buoyant, radiant, sunny, blithe, beatific, thrilled, exhilarated, ecstatic, bliss, overjoy, rapturous, in seventh heaven, on cloud nine, walking on air, jumping for joy, chirpy, jubilant, over the moon and on top of the world.

that's all

hahahaha....

Assalamualaikum...

Not responding...

2010-03-05T15:14:00.000-08:00

There are several reasons for someone not to respond to any calls or text messages or emails or Facebook or whatever means of communication there are out there:

1) They could be sleeping at the time of the arrival of the message. So, they could not respond or reply immediately.

2) Their phone could be switched off at that moment. Hence, not able to receive the message. (This could be due to several reasons: out of battery, they are in an examination hall, they are in a hospital, basically they are in a place where switching on their phone is forbidden, etc.).

3) They could be mad or angry at the person calling or sending the message. In this situation, they choose to avoid that person for a while. I believe this is far better than they reply or answer the calls and yell to the sender or caller (which really could worsen the situation or problem).

4) They also could be trying to avoid answering or replying because they cannot made their mind yet on the matter. They did this to buy some time before replying so that they could think things over clearly and make the correct and thorough decision. Besides that, they could have been trying to get advice from other people(s) first before replying. This is important so that they could make sound judgement about the matter. Not all people can make decision solely by themselves. Some people are not that sound in mind to make decision by themselves.

5) Or they have changed to other number.

6) Another tragic reason is that person had lost his or her phone or laptop or whatever it is.

So, in conclusion, do not jump into conclusion on why someone did not reply to your messages or receive your calls or emails or whatever related. Try to be as positive as you can, please...

Krashen's Input Hypothesis in daily life...

2010-02-25T12:55:00.000-08:00

Oracy
i + 1

Culture and Citizenship
i + 2

Sociolinguistics
i + 5

Second Language Acquisition
i + 10

Usrah
i + 20

Update for this week...

2010-02-19T15:00:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum and a very good day to all,

1) This week I started to really realise how heavy it is to be born as a human being.

2) My third trial at frying rice. Not bad. I guess better than the first two trials. But not yet as good as Auntie Charlene's fried rice. (~_~)

3) As usual, work is never-ending. Huhuhu...

4) Allowance just in. Busy calculating for expenditure of coming months. Don't want to repeat the same mistake as before. Over-spending.

5) Off to Windsor tomorrow. Not sure what to expect. Hope it will be an enjoyable trip.

I am in dire need of more time...

2010-02-12T17:58:00.000-08:00

Lately, I feel like one of the most poorest person on earth, in terms of time. I noticed lately that I would never sleep earlier than 2 a.m. Wake up at about 5 or 6 or 7 a.m. in the morning. Even then, I would feel so sleepy that I also sleep in the bus throughout the journey to university. There were many reasons for this:

1) I still vividly remember how my one of my English teachers in school use to say that she enjoyed her university time the most as B. Ed. TESL was extremely easy. Among the thing that I remembered her saying was that one of the task for the course was to watch movies and write a review later on. How easy is that! BUT, now, I feel like DROWNING in work, assignments, coursework, seminar tasks, readings and pressure. Ya Allah, am I in the right course? Back in Malaysia, I had heard one people said "I really envy you. Your course is far easier and simpler than mine. It is all about English. How difficult could that be? We learned that since we were kids."

REALLY! and why I am now struggling to stay afloat!

2) Another thing I noticed is that there are many things that I can do as a university students. The problem is, I could not find the time to do all of them. One friend of mine said that " We cannot get everything, something must be sacrificed to make ways for others." There are so many interesting stuffs to do, but, limited time hinders me from participating.

3) I just return from ISoc (Islamic Society) Election just now. I am really disappointed to notice that my English (which supposedly as a future English teacher), is nothing compared to some of the candidates today. Their English is so good. I have been studying English since I was very small but I am still at average level. I WANT TO IMPROVE MORE. MORE. MORE. IT'S NOT ENOUGH. This somehow dampens my spirit to start taking up a foreign language next year. I Wonder how much could I progress in just few years of studying it? I'm not trying to be too pessimistic here, but, if I had studies English since I was small and still achieve little. Imagine learning a foreign language in just a few years. I think the possibilities of becoming fluent and competent in it will be rather low.

4) I would not even touch on personal and emotional stuffs as problems are everywhere in those domains.

Ya Allah, forgives me for whining, grumbling and complaining so much. Please help me in my effort of becoming a better individual. Please do...

How weak we are...

2010-01-09T08:23:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum and Good Warm Day to everyone...

Do you notice how weak we are as human... Allah just need to use the element of water to show to us how powerful He is... I will use the example which is closest to me now in explaining this...

As mentioned in the news and newspapers around the UK now, UK is experiencing one of the most coldest weather in 30 years. Snow falls almost everyday nowadays... This causes major problems to UK residents.

First of all, as the snow keep on coming, the roads are all blanketed by snow. As the snow hardened, the roads become slippery and therefore dangerous for vehicles and pedestrians alike. Many road accidents have been reported. Besides that, many people fell while walking as the road is slippery and therefore got injured. This also affects the transportation industry. Many produced from farms and factories are having difficulties reaching consumers as roads are limited as most has been closed. Owing to this, some cities are having Panic Buying now as the panic citizens are stocking up for their homes. Due to the limited mobility, some old people who live by themselves cannot go out and get their groceries as the roads have been transform and becoming more like a dangerous and fatal paths. They end up being stranded and imprisoned in their own home without having enough food. Their only hope is to depend upon other people to help them to get their supplies. Most schools have been closed and same goes for some universities. This leads to problems regarding exams which I am not interested to talk much about. Many flights also have been cancelled due to the severe weather.

There is one way to solve the slippery road problem. Grit and salt. Unfortunately, grit and salt are running low around the UK. So, you can think of the implications for yourselves.

Secondly, as the weather is very cold, more gas is needed for the industries and domestic use. This leads to problem as there is not enough gas it seems to cater for all these. This resulting in the government to decide to cut gas to the industries in order to focus more for domestic use. Imagine, if there is less working factories. Supplies such as food will be in scarce amount as many food products are produced in factories.

So, now, we have slippery roads which hinders mobility and reduced supplies in the market. What else? Maybe there is more implications that I don't know as I have a very limited amount of knowledge from the few readings which I have been doing.

The only things that I can hope for now is for the winter to end soon. At the very least, I hope the snow will stop falling. It causes more problems than pleasure.

Look how just one element of water (in its other forms) can cause so much trouble for human beings. We, humans, are so weak and depend a lot on the mercy of the The Merciful Allah... Ya Allah, please help us endure this freezing winter...

Paranoid and Phobia...

2010-01-05T12:07:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum and Good day to all of you...

Just feel like writing somehow...

Is it wrong to be paranoid?
One of my "acquaintance" complaint to me that I am too paranoid with my life and have phobia for everything. Really?! To be honest, I don't think it is wrong to be paranoid and phobia. Especially with the World that we live in nowadays. Backstabbers are everywhere. Dangers lurk everywhere. How can you feel safe to roam on this Earth anymore? With marauding "werewolfs" in sheep skin hiding everywhere, waiting for us to let our guard down, hunting for the opportunity to plunge their fangs and claws into our life. How could we feel safe anywhere?

I need to be careful I think. The world is not as safe as some people say. Look at all those cases of murders, rapes, robberies, embezzling money, scams and many more. The list is endless it seems. So, sorry to say that I think I will keep on being a paranoiac and continue to practise those important phobia of mine...

Two's company, three's a crowd...

2010-01-01T12:15:00.000-08:00

Assalamualaikum and happy new year 2010...

Well, today I would like to introduce to you all to this English sayings ( or proverb, whatever...).

Two's company, three's a crowd.

This is used to suggest that it is better to be in a group of only two people than have a third person with you as well.

(Courtesy of Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary 7th Edition)

so...

1. If you ask someone out, do not ask another person also if these two person are not that close but you are close to only one of them. There is a high possibility that you will focus your attention on the one that your are closer and unintentionally ignore the other unfortunate person. This will be very sad. Do bear in mind that not all people are unassuming in character. By doing this ( Inviting two person out at the same time and you eventually focus on only one of them), you are actually torturing the other person. That person could feel offended.

2. Another down side of asking two people out at the same time is that you yourself might be ignored once these two people really started to bond really well. This time, you are bound to feel offended and slighted. Well, really, serve you right. You are the one who invited those two in the first place.

3. In short, do not go out or hang out in groups in odd numbers. Eventually, one will be left out and sidelined when everybody has pair up.

3. You can only go out in groups of people in odd numbers if all of the members in the group including you are very close to each other. Then, it might not be much of a problem.

So,

Two's company, three's a crowd.
Four's company, five's a crowd.
Six's company, seven's a crowd.
AND so on, and on... (you do the rest...)

More Parasite...

2009-12-26T15:58:00.000-08:00

I don't know why I am so in the mood for writing here today... Nevertheless, I need to express all these bottled up emotions somewhere instead of marinating them within me without any way of telling someone about it. So, here I am writing again (the second time already for today, I really should focus more on my assignment...)...

I noticed that as I delve deeper into the jungle called 'Life', I met more and more species of living beings. Some are really wonderful, making my journey through this jungle a smooth-sailing one. Unfortunately, some are not-so-wonderful. I noticed lately, after careful and thorough research and scrutiny under the microscope called 'Reflection', there is a new parasite that I found in my path through this challenging jungle. I found this new specimen while walking through a beautiful patch of clearing in the jungle which deceitfully is called 'Friendship Ground' by the uncivilised native indigenous people living in this jungle. I am really baffled, amazed and shocked by this discovery as sadly I am still unable to analyse the previous specimen of parasite that I discovered several years ago. Adding with this new one, it means that now there are two parasites in this jungle. I really need to study them quickly so that I could ascertain how dangerous these two species are. As we know some parasites are really dangerous as they could pose threats to their host. Some of them could even kill their host. How dreadful! I really should conduct the research more rapid, fast and quick owing to the severity of the situation. My life could depends on this research. Who knows whether those parasites have already found their way to set their claws on me already. I must be careful. I must be really careful! Be more aware! Be more cautious! Be more sharp!

The most troubling fact of all is that parasites sometimes could guise themselves as something which are very beautiful, sweet-smelled and attractive. This is where many creatures fall prey to them. They cannot resist those pesky, hazardous and almost good-for-nothing parasites.

Beware... parasites could come in any forms... Keep your eyes open all the time... Do not let your guard down... BEWARE...

Boxing Day...

2009-12-25T22:07:00.000-08:00

Well, today is the ever-awaited Boxing Day (for some people only). I don't know why I am not that excited about it as some people here. Maybe the fact that I am on a tight budget (I really mean TIGHT here as after taking into account the accommodation payment, my O2 bill, house rent for next year and my ever-lasting desire for food). If ever I managed my money well beforehand, it could be possible for me to go out and do some shopping (necessary shopping) today :(. How sad...

I guess I have always been bad in managing money. I still remember how I need to count every shillings that I have to buy food back in KMNS (my matriculation college). Served me right. The very moment I heard that KPM had put in our allowance (First semester), I straight away bought an electronic dictionary and a mobile phone leaving the BSN account almost 'immensely clean'. I had to pay for that folly of mine throughout the whole semester in limiting my expenditure and by constant application for additional funds from my beloved parents, the most extremely loyal and hard-to-find best and forever friend of mine, Faiz Ahmad and my 'sort of cousin' Kak Esnaliza (luckily she is a lecturer there, what a big help she was and is). How embarrassing. To keep on asking for more money from all these kind people.

Unfortunately, it seemed, that I did not learned enough lesson from that experience. During my Second Semester there, I spent the allowance on a digital camera (which I do not use much since then as there is no need for it, somehow I hate taking pictures. Why I bought the camera?! such a waste of money!) upon getting my hand on the second allowance. How stupid of me back then. Some people managed to keep their matriculation allowance intact until their university years. I lost them at the instance I received them. How unwise of me back then. And of course the same pattern repeated itself. I lived on tight budget and frequently eliciting more money from the same people as mentioned in the previous paragraph. How shameful of me...

Luckily I am a bit wiser now (I hope I am, as I still find myself struggling to control my desires for unnecessary stuffs). I really should and must regularly remind myself that the Malaysian Government pay for my studies here and my living costs here on behalf of the Malaysian people who have to pay taxes. Therefore, I must use the allowance well and not engrossed, absorbed and embroiled myself in the sin of unnecessary-spending, as some people who pay taxes back in Malaysia is very poor and could hardly enjoy their lives comfortably and here I am using their money. So, I must use them well...

Sometimes I wish I did not have a heart...

2009-12-20T14:55:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wish I did not have a heart...

With a heart, I can love, which also mean that I am vulnerable to being hurt...
With a heart, I can have desires, which sometimes leads to unwise actions and sins...
With a heart, I am capable of hating, which could lead to others' being hurt...
With a heart, I can miss someone or something, which causes me to lose focus on important matters...

With a heart, I can be swayed, leading to astray...
With a heart, there is constant battle, within me, between the wise mind and the emotional heart...
With a heart, which makes me human, leads me to mistakes, faults and flaws...
With a heart, I can cry, even for unnecessary things...

With a heart, my mind would never be alone to carry out what must be done in a smooth and supposed manner, there are always interruptions, distractions and obstructions...

If only my mind is capable of conquering my heart totally... If only... If only...

Ya ALLAH, as you granted me with this HEART, guide me in using it well please... You who have created me and everything else... Only you understand the complexity and intricacy of something called HEART... Help me Ya Allah... Help me...

Extremely...

2009-12-15T14:54:00.000-08:00

WHY?????

1) WHY I am so stubborn and still putting up hopes on the unachievable?! The unattainable!!! The unacceptable!!!

2) WHY I just suddenly realised that I would spend my Winter Break doing assignments and all those heavy stuffs?! Is it really a holiday after all?!

3) WHY some people are so damned good in managing money while I always noticed that I would end up worrying about money in the end of the day?!

4) WHY some people could be loved so much by others even though deep down only ALLAH knows that they are just plain acting to love in return?!

5) WHY is it so hard for me accept the fact that life is not perfect?! ALLAH knows what is best for me and all of us. JUST ACCEPT IT, PLEASE!!!

WHY??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

new resolution... an agreement is on the way...

2009-11-11T15:55:00.000-08:00

It seems that every week in my life here, new revelations will appear. Some are saddening while some others are an eye-opening. Come to think of it, none of them make me more happy. But, come to think of it, happy on this Finite Earth is very limited and is absolutely nothing compared to the real happiness THERE. Most of the revelations that appear make me more resolute and determined to achieve my planned goal. The only things that I can do now is to keep on striving and trying my best despite the challenges that came and will come .

Here is a warning for me and those DISTRACTORS. Please leave my goals alone. I need to achieved them. I have nothing else except them. Please do not take them away from me. They make my life more bearable and endurable (with Allah's permission of course). So, please, leave them alone... I need them... Unlike some of you, I have nothing else...

5th week...

2009-11-06T12:12:00.000-08:00

Mixture of hues this week it seems,
in the dark of morning, the darkness seems even darker,
the rainbow peeks through the gloomy sky, at last,
it is not a rainbow actually, just colourful flowers and leaves waiting to wilt.

Glaring enviously at the pair of butterfly that keep on dancing euphorically under the bright merry sun,
yet the invisible wall hinders the desire, to move as such,
though illusions keep on enticing the suppressed soul of self,
in the end, winter persist forever it seems,
to avoid the existence of the sweetness of flowers.

The mirror reflects an irony,
truth that never dawned before,
the sound of grappling and drowning,
for the fresh breeze of serenity.

How long will this winter last,
no one knows except the Know It All,
hope fuel the remaining steps,
towards uncertainty...

Sunday Oct 25th 2009

2009-10-25T02:35:00.000-07:00

Today:

1) I try cooking fried rice for the first time. Maybe some of you would say 'What's the big deal'. But to me, it is a big deal. It is my first step to explore the world of cooking [WHAT AN EXAGGERATION!]. I simply try out the recipe given to me by my friend. I had to keep on looking on that piece of paper constantly for fear of making mistakes and end up cooking something else instead. The part that I cannot forget the most is when my eyes got all watery while cutting the onion and while frying them. It was excruciatingly painful (even now while I am typing). Tears running down river-like. Please give me tips regarding this particular step in cooking.

2) I noticed lately that my mind is busy thinking about A, B, and C. I even dreamed about them constantly. I know that I cannot even think of A. But my mind simply refuse to let the idea go. I have been contemplating about B quite a lot and fortunately it is something attainable. But, to attain it, I have to make certain sacrifices that I am not that sure I am capable of doing. C is a special matter. I have been thinking about it since I was in school till now. I wonder when I will ever stop thinking about it. I guess until I can solve it.

3) Constantly being left alone in the house feels rather weird. Should I go and join them. But I am not sure whether I can cope with the guilt of leaving my books behind. Unfortunately, all my books are big in size and hence hinders me from carrying them around all the times. How can I travel and at the same time have my books by my side? Any suggestions anyone?

Still adapting... etc...

2009-10-23T13:55:00.000-07:00

I wonder why I am damned lazy to update this blog nowadays. I guess now I am still adapting to my new life here in Coventry. There are several issues that I am feeling rather uncertain about...

1) I thought I had travelled to a new country and start a new life, but, guess what, most of the things are still the same. IPIP lecturers are HERE (in different forms). Bloody scary man! The similarities!

2) I thought that once I left IPIP, I would not encounter the term "CULTURE" again. But here I am again, writing, reading and THINKING about CULTURE! Really, once I finished the course (luckily only for one year) I should be able to have a degree in CULTURE myself. Imagine, 3 years of CULTURE (2 years in Ipoh, 1 year here) already! That is equal to a degree! And yet I am still on my third week of my first years of my degree. :(

3) The same problem persists again. I wonder when it will ever end. Why it is so difficult for me to understand the notion that some things in this life is impossible to achieve. Some things are not supposed to be achieved. Why in the world I am so stubborn?! And KAMAL, you are not helping the situation! You are suppose to guide, not entice me even more. I expect better of you! Izla will kill you if he knows what you are doing right now!

4) Why when I am busy reading somewhere outside the privacy of my room (eg. in the bus, bus stop, etc...) someone is bound to disturb me. Honestly, it is very annoying you know when I am reading and you guys just out of sudden came up and ask me what is the title of the book. The irony is, when I am not reading, not many are keen to start a conversation. SO, NEXT TIME, IF YOU SAW ME READING, PLEASE REFRAIN FROM DISTURBING MY FOCUS ON THE BOOK (unless it is very necessary to do so). Really sorry for being rude here... but reading is the only time I could explore the unexplored...

5) Many people have criticised my decision of not going anywhere while I am studying here. I know that you guys mean well, but, I think I know what I am doing you know. I am not that good at multitasking, unlike you guys. I cannot feel happy to do anything else unless I finished all my work (which seems never ending). Besides, I have my own mission. I have my own plan. I appreciate you guys' invitation, but I am not ready yet. Maybe one day... [AND THIS APPLY TO ALL MY DECISIONS THAT SOME OF YOU HAVE BEEN BUSILY TRYING TO CHANGE, PLEASE! ] THIS IS MY LIFE!!!

I CAN ASK FOR HELP WHEN I NEED IT!

Experience in UK so far...

2009-10-07T14:54:00.000-07:00

Honestly, I am feeling ambivalent about what I had been going through since I arrived here in the United Kingdom, to be more specific, the town of Coventry. You see, previously, I had thought that everything about studying in the UK is totally different compared to studying in IPTA in Malaysia, but now it seems that they are rather similar in several aspects.

1) Nothing in this world is perfect. At first, I thought that this University that I am currently studying in was flawless, impeccably efficient and trouble-free. To my disappointment due to my forgetfulness, this University is almost like any other IPTAs in Malaysia (this is my opinion and I am entitled to express my opinion whenever, however and wherever I like, sorry to anyone who was offended by it). What I meant here was that this University also has its own problems and flaws. But, of course, compared to some of Malaysian IPTAs, I believe that Warwick fares a little bit better.

After studying in IPGM Ipoh for two years, I am grateful that the facilities here are better and more sufficient for us student to study comfortably. However, I would not trade the experience that I had gained in IPGM Ipoh for anything as they are precious and priceless.

2) Another dilemma that I am currently facing is the difficulty to adapt to sharing. To be frank, I am not fond of sharing unless with those who I am really close with, which posed problem for me to adapt to the fact that I am living in a house of five people. It seemed hard for me to ask for other peoples' help, even though I would love to help other people. I am also not used to ask for things such as food from other people (except close ones), but I really do not mind much about other people asking from me (of course there is a boundary for it right?). It is so hard for me (especially as my knowledge in cooking is almost zero).

3) I still remember perfectly well what one of my lecturer used to said to us back in Ipoh. He said that the government is sending you to UK so that you can immerse yourself with the culture and mingle around with native speakers of English. The issue here is that, in the class, everyone is a Malaysian, at the hostel, everyone is also a Malaysian. Do not get me wrong here. It is not like I hate Malaysian or something as such, it just that what is the point of going to the UK to obtain a degree if we only mix around Malaysian students. Of course I can join any societies here, but, that would cost quite a lot of money (same goes for sports). I might as well studies in UPSI if I only rub along with fellow Malaysians.

3) And maybe the most crucial of all is that I cannot help but to think of Malaysian Ringgit every time I wanted to buy something. This resulting in everything seemed so expensive as I kept converting the price to Malaysian Ringgit. Consequently, it hindered me from buying things and doing my shopping happily as I have to keep on checking my wallet every few minutes while shopping. Of course this is good as it helped me to keep my expenditure in check. But still...

Please, just shut our mouth sometimes...

2009-09-21T03:05:00.000-07:00

So, HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI is here again, (SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI to all my relatives, friends and acquaintances, my deepest apologies for all my sins and wrong doings). And, as usual, we (my family), went back to my late grandparents' house for the usual family gathering. Honestly, I am not that keen about family gathering. There are many reasons for this:

1) There will be bad mouthing here and there. In that corner, one group will be talking badly about this group or people, and in other corner, another convention about this or that particular person. How horrible... this is Raya, please, just shut our mouth about all those bad talks...

2) The house will be quite packed with people, and it is important to note here that I do not like to be crammed inside a house with many people (unless the house is a mansion or at least a manor with dozens of rooms to spare), shared bathrooms with many people (queuing up for bathrooms), here and there, almost everywhere got people, really, it is troublesome some times... no privacy...

3) As the house is not mine, I will have to abide by the house rules and regulations. Do not get me wrong, I am fine with rules and regulations, but some rules are quite old-fashioned and really does not seem necessary. I cannot sleep as early as most people, so, I fill up the time reading, but here (in this house), whenever people sleep, it must be really dark and therefore no light can be permitted. This restricted me from reading. In the end, I was forced to lie down and just stare around in the dark. What a waste of time. (There is no internet connection here, so, pointless to switch on my laptop) How bored...

4) I was forced to go out of the room and be around the "masses" by my mother. I am not against mixing with other people, really, but you cannot expect me to mix around all the time. Not all people are suitable for me to mix around with. I almost suffocate there. Where is the freedom...

Of course, there is also some advantages of family gathering:

1) Catch up with the latest news of our relatives

2) Consolidating the family bond

3) Receive some "Duit Raya" (which has dwindled a lot if compared with during my childhood) (oklah, Alhamdulillah, who wanted to gave out money to other people just like that right?)

4) etc...

Very Interesting...

2009-09-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I watched Malaysia Hari Ini (TV3) early during the days and one slot really attracts me. Two guests (who are siblings) came to the show and talked about their passion of reading. YOU CANNOT IMAGINE HOW RELIEVED I FELT UPON HEARING THAT. Of all the topics in the world to talk about, that slot focussed on READING. The two brothers shared their stories of how they came to like reading and even started writing. As we all know, parents play an important role in instilling the reading culture to their children. Same goes here. One of the things that really inspired me is when they talked about "UNIVERSITY AT THE DINING TABLE". This concept is introduced in their family by their father. Every dinner time, each member of the family had to present to the rest of the family what they had read in that particular day. Their father made it compulsory for them to do this. This forced them to really find a book or article or any source of information before dinner and read them thoroughly as they need to present their findings later on during dinner. This leads to the development of the passion for reading in them all. I really find this method useful and I hope I will be able to implement it to my students later on.

Besides reading, the brothers also write. One of them has even advanced to the level of producing several books. How enviable. I wish I could come out with a book or even books on my own one day. I really hope so. Right now, I only managed to write out in blog... I need to start somewhere, right? One step at a time... even though they are just baby steps...

They are future teachers, huh!

2009-09-03T16:43:00.000-07:00

Last night (or morning already), my friend told me (through YM) that his work has been copied again by others. Frankly, I have heard this type of whining from him so regularly that I am so tired and exhausted upon hearing it. Copying work? If you ask me, I will say that it is such a disgusting and heinous thing as I believe each piece of assignment given to us by the lecturers is a responsibility that need to be carried out with honesty and credibility. Asking for advice on how to complete the assignment is fine, but, copying is outrageously unacceptable. Even plagiarism is considered acceptable if you compared it with copying other people's work. That is so low. At least, for plagiarism, you still put some effort to copy and paste from the source such as the internet, book, etc... Some are even more appalling as to just taking their friend's piece of work and later renaming it as theirs and maybe changing several words here and there.

The problem with this extremely kind and benevolent friend of mine is that he is too kind. Sometimes I feel like he is far more suitable to be a welfare officer or social worker. Why in the world did you let those LAZY SCROUNGER copy your work. I thought you of all people there have more sense in you. Let them do their own work. They are not disabled or handicapped (I think). They can certainly complete their own work by themselves. Why should you be too kind to help them. You are allowing them to get credit for your hard work. You work hard to do all those assignment, searching and browsing through the internet and library to look for information, while most of those "EXCELLENT" future teachers are enjoying their time with unnecessary activities such as PLAYING GAMES. But, owing to your kindness (or idiocy, the difference is rather vague, don't you think?), they are still able to submit their work on time. Really, I thought you are clever...

I even heard this friend of mine complaining about being asked to do work for some of these lazybones. Initially, they ask for his help to guide them with the work, but eventually, this easily manipulated friend of mine ended up doing their work. What nonsense! To add more, when the work had been submitted and later rejected by the lecturer (because the lecturer did not believe that could be their work), they came to him to ask him to alter the work by making the work a little bit more erroneous so that the lecturer would believe that the work had been completed by them. How shameful! They cannot even made mistakes. They cannot made proper work and incorrect work! So, what can they do?! I hope the answer is not "NOTHING". That would be a really sad thing, isn't it? Teachers that can do nothing. We certainly do not need those type of teachers.

Another uselessness that I was told about some of these clowns is that they could be really "active" when it comes to GROUP WORK. Whenever there is a group task or assignment, this friend of mine would grumble as he would be doing the work almost alone. The others in the group seemed to be too preoccupied with something else, I presume. But, the unfortunate thing is, when it comes to group work or task, the evaluation and mark will most probably be divided equally to all the members of the group. So, if only a few of the members are actually doing the work, the other PASSENGERS will get their mark simply by doing nothing. I really hate and loathe SLEEPING PARTNER when it comes to group assignment, work or task. That is why I dreaded most of the time when lecturers gave such a work, unless I am sure that all my group members are capable and willing to work together to complete the work.

Unfortunately, sadly for me to say this but these people that I mentioned just now are future teachers. They will be teaching our children which are also the next generation of leaders of this country. Unless they changed their lazy way, I am scared to think about the future of our country. Really really scared...

PS: I apologise to any individuals who might be offended by this piece of writing, but if you somehow practise any of the SINS mentioned above, please do change...

One thing to be grateful about being the ELDEST...

2009-09-03T08:22:00.000-07:00

Today, my father went to my brother's school to pick up the report card for his PMR trial examination. Upon returning home, nothing happened yet. However, things get a little bit heated up when my mother returned home from work. She inquired about my brother's result. After perusing and scanning the content of the report card, my mother sighed. She said she was disappointed of the outcome. I guessed she compared my brother with me (I got better result in my PMR trial).

Honestly, I observed that my brother is more hardworking and faster in revising and completing home work, compared to me. Due to this, I was quite shocked to learn that he did not achieve an excellent result. But, I was of the opinion that maybe, the school had set up a very difficult PMR trial examination (After all, his school is far more prominent than mine). And not forgetting that I took my PMR in 2003, which is very far away. The curriculum could be more challenging now. I tried to put forward this defend statement to back my brother up, but it ended up in vain. This resulting in my mother expressing her dissatisfaction every time my brother came near comics or anything at all that are not academic in nature. I pity him in a sense. I still remember how I used to watch television right after returning home from school till midnight, or even morning. I guess back then, my mother did not have anyone to compare me with. I cannot recall of ever being forced to study or revise. In that sense, I am really grateful that I am the eldest. But, still, I will try to mellow my mother up so that my brother will not be so tense up.

Am I that low...

2009-09-01T17:25:00.000-07:00

I am so sad and feel so inferior. When I read other people's blog, their issues were all big, important and when you read them, you feel that you have gain something. Look at my blog. It's all about petty, unnecessary and ridiculous issues. How could their thinking level reach that high. Even during my studying time, I always watch with envy, admiration and amazement at those students that somehow always managed to think out of the box, out of the universe for some of them. They seems so matured and INTELLIGENT. And yet they are also the most playful and frivolous sort most of the times. Look at me, even though reading most of the time, try hard to be proper and prim, but I am still not as good as those people. Is it NATURAL? Is it naturally for them to be that good without trying to? I guess I am not one of those naturally talented in this sort of things. Is this true?

once again I realise

2009-08-24T09:30:00.000-07:00

Today (or yesterday), I went shopping with my "brother and sister" around KL. The main purpose was to purchase items (mainly clothings) that will be needed THERE. My main target were jeans and sweater. Alhamdulillah, I manage to procure 3 jeans and 1 sweater after a long hard work of browsing and perusing through the clothing department. I chose to do the shopping at that particular time because, firstly, it is the last week of the Mega Sale (which will ended on 31/8), secondly, it was monday, which is a working day, thus, less people. Thanks to my dearest "sibling", today I discover many new knowledge about KL. I admit that I know very little about KL until very recently, despite the fact that I could reach KL in almost 30 minutes from my "faraway" home. My parents are not enthusiasted about shopping with me as I am very particular about clothes and hence could take a very long time just to pick one T-shirt. Luckily, my dear "siblings" were very kind and patience to accompany me (THANK YOU SO MUCH). (It is vital that they come along as I have no knowledge whatsoever regarding jeans and my sense of fashion is rather odd).

Anyway, the main point is that, I could not help but feeling sad at the thought that these people who accompanied, guided and helped (AND UNDERSTAND ME, AT LEAST TO SOME EXTENT)me while I was doing my shopping will not be by my side starting 3rd October 2009. These people who are very dear to me (including my parents) will not be with me for quite some time and I am not sure how I will cope with that.Even though there are many of us who will be going THERE, but , they are just coursemates. They are some who seems to be suitable for me to lay my trust on, but, lately, I realised that I failed to connect with any of them, really. They lack something. Do not get me wrong. I am not blaming them. It is totally my fault for not being able to adapt well around them. I have always been as such. Since primary school, only one friend managed to penetrate through my "bubble" and he took almost ten years to achieve that. I have been thinking, maybe I should just ignore this "petty" issue, and keep on with life. But, many advice had landed upon me that in order for me to live smoothly THERE, I will need to rely on others, helping each other (which is not going to be easy for me). Luckily, one concept eased this predicament a little bit. ALLAH will be always be with me. This offers some sort of hope, solace and comfort. So long as I keep on to HIM, I will feel that it is just another test for me. But still, it would be good to have close good friends around, isn't it?

I am not arrogant

2009-08-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

Maybe most people would see me as sour and frowning or brooding all the time, but, honestly, I am not an arrogant person. Please forgive me if I had somehow made any of you feel that I am looking at you guys condescendingly or patronisingly. Really sorry. I am just too shy or scared to talk or even smile to most of you. So, really sorry. I will try my very best to be more warm and approachable next time. Sorry.

Impossible to understand...

2009-08-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

I had just got back from ESSET where I had experienced many new experiences, gained new knowledge, made some new friends and experienced some revelation of life. Here, I would like to emphasise on the revelation point.

Have any of us notice that as human, our abilities are very limited. And, one of our weaknessess, I believe, is to understand one another. Maybe, there are many people out there who claims they understand us, but, honestly, do you believe them? Even I could say such a thing as "I understand your problem", but frankly speaking, I may be half lying. It is impossible for us human to understand some one 100 per cent. SO, PLEASE, ALL OF YOU OUT THERE, STOP LYING TO US WHO ARE HAVING PROBLEMS. Maybe you guys could sympathise us, but I doubt very much that you can actually understand us, the troubled lot. No human could understand other human 100 per cent. REMEMBER THAT. Only OUR CREATOR understands us completely, totally and thoroughly. Every human has different environment, situations and relationships even though if they has the same problems. SO, PLEASE STOP MISUNDERSTANDING us... MAYBE YOU GUYS UNDERSTANDS OUR PROBLEM BUT NOT ENTIRELY, remember that...

simply writing

2009-08-12T07:18:00.000-07:00

Considering that I have not write for quite some time now, I suddenly decided to write something. One more reason for me to write is because just now someone ask for my blog address. It would be awkward if that person suddenly decide to drop by and found nothing on my blog other than ancient writings, so, I write. I will try my very best next time to write even more, but that is all for now. Sorry for not feeling like writing much nowadays. Later, perhaps.

aku tak berapa faham benda ni

2009-07-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

Simply just feel like writing

2009-07-08T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am not sure why but I have been using the word "disappointed" many times in this blog isn't it? Well, I will try not to use it this time (I hope I succeed, forgive me if there will be any of it later).

1) Again, after reading the newspaper, I feel like writing here, just to express my opinions, even though I know the right people most probably will not read them, you know, the people with real power to do something about those issues I am writing about. Somehow, I have come across many warnings lately about blogging, and I think I need to start to be more cautious and wary in putting up posts here now as I do not want to end up being sued, which means a lot of forms and procedures, which are not my cup of tea (although I do not think I will as I do not think those people in authorities will actually read this blog). Ok, Whatever it is, here is the real issue here, I read in the newspaper that there is this seminar in Perak. All the Members of Parliment and those ADUN (I don't know what it is in English) of Perak have been invited to this seminar and many (actually most of them) did not attend it. So, what is the big deal out of this, right? THE PROBLEM IS, THAT SEMINAR IS ABOUT ENVIRONMENTAL LAW AND ETC. IN OTHER WORDS, IT IS ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY REALLY IMPORTANT, ISN'T IT? WHY CAN'T THOSE PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ELECTED, AT THE VERY LEAST, PRETENDED TO BE INTERESTED IN ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES EVEN IF THEY DID NOT CARE ABOUT THEM BY JUST ATTENDING THE SEMINAR! URGH, how frustrating! I do not care whether those people are BN or PR. To me, they have set up a bad example to the public. They, of all people, must show good examples of caring for the environment. OH MY, FOR OUR OWN AND THE FUTURE GENERATION'S SAKE, it was just a seminar on environment! How detrimental could it be to your health to just sit for a couple of hours in AN ENVIRONMENTAL SEMINAR. Oh my, how furious I am right now! But, nevertheless, maybe some of them were actually busy (I HOPE SO! AND THEY BETTER BE!)and hence cannot make it to the seminar. I am not happy about this and I hope those people who win in the next elections (I DO NOT CARE MUCH AS WHETHER THEY ARE BN OR PR, BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN STRENGTH & WEAKNESSES) will be more caring towards our environment. ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES AGAIN! WHEN WILL THESE END?!

Meeting friend

2009-07-04T00:29:00.000-07:00

Today I went out just simply meeting a friend before he need to return to campus next week. I notice he had not change much since our last meeting except for the scarred face due to Chicken Pox he was inflicted upon 2 weeks ago. We were supposed to go out last week but I chose to postpone it to this week as I am scared that he might not had been cured completely. We might never know, right? From this outing, many things suddenly triggered into my mind:

1) Remember our literature components in secondary schools? While browsing through book stores today, we went to the text book sections (just to look around for anything new). Of course we talk everything that seemed to came to our mind, and suddenly he said that he had never finished reading any of the literature component text books (Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, The Pearl, etc...) and even the Malay ones. Of course I know that some students (maybe most, who knows really?)did not even care to touch those books as they only went through the summary books that could be found in bookstores easily. But I am talking about my friend here! He is one of those nerd or geek in school whom the teachers would always believe that they were doing well and working hard for their studies. Knowing that he did not read them really made me feel disappointed. I believe that students must read those books at least once in order for them to get a basic understanding of those books. Maybe they have a good reason for it. I really hope so.

2) I went also to SPEEDY (the vcd, cd, dvd, etc... store), just simply because there were nothing much to do anymore. My home town is not big you know, after several walk around, we almost completed touring the town. My eyes were caught by several titles that I thought is interesting. I thought these stories have some sense of reality in them. They are THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, TWISTER, and one movie that had something to do with AL-GORE, the vice-president of the US, that is now busy increasing the awareness regarding environmental issues around the world, about environmental issues, of course. I want to buy one but not sure which want, so, in the end I decided to buy Atlantis, The Lost Empire, by Walt Disney. I was thinking that since I am already a superly negatively concious and anxious person regarding the end of the world, so, I decided to avoid buying those movies that to me are too real in a sense. Other movies in this category are DEEP IMPACT, ARMAGEDDON, THE CORE and etc. For me they are a foreshadow to something... Who knows right? AFTER ALL I AM JUST A TINY MINUTE PERSON IN THIS BIG WIDE WORLD. Only ALLAH knows what might happen next. Only ALLAH knows...

3) We also had lunch in one pizza outlet. Surprisingly (not too surprising actually, but rather disappointing), even though we dined in (I thought this way we could reduce plastic and boxes usage as we would be served on plates, glass plates as we usually were), we were given the pizza in boxes, bread in boxes, and drinks in cans with polystyrene cups. Oh my! I am really upset about this. Maybe they are trying to cut cost in water bill in avoiding washing dishes or they want to cut time operation for washing dishes, but I am really crestfallen. Of course the boxes can be recycled, but the polystyrene cups? How sad... WHERE ARE THE REAL GLASSES?

Influenza A (H1N1)

2009-07-02T07:17:00.000-07:00

I came across a letter to the editor in the paper and I can't help but to disagree with it. According to that person, the Government, the Ministry of Health to be specific, is too enthusiastic in tackling this Influenza A (H1N1) pandemic. That person (I can't remember whether it was a man or a woman) referred to the United States as an example. He/She wrote that we should be more relaxed in handling this pandemic as it is mild and not as virulent as H5N1 or SARS. He/She also wrote that we are spending too much to tackle this problem.I totally disagree with him/her.

Of course, anybody that knew me well would say that I am one of those people that is always over-cautious, overly worried, extremely quickly in preparing myself if any prediction of even a tiny minute problem appears, but I think being over cautious in this sort of situation is never wrong. Do we want to follow US footsteps' in every way. Not everything from abroad is good. I think our Government is doing a good job already in containing the spread of the virus. The only problem that I am worried about is that not all of the Malaysian citizens share the same level of concern and anxiety. They are too complacent, indifferent and feeling apathy about this (not all, some only). Example, some does not even bother to quarantine themselves after arriving from abroad. Maybe they lack the awareness, but still it is a disappointing thing for me to hear that they could risk other people's health by being ignorant about the seriousness of the matter. But then again, nobody's perfect. Maybe they got some other important things occupying their mind, right?

So far, the only thing that I could do for the time being to calm myself from being too excessively overly concern about being infected as I live in the Klang Valley, is to practise all the necessary steps advised for us to do, 1)wash hands regularly, 2)practise the proper coughing/sneezing etiquette 3)etc...

Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that when I went to TESCO a couple of days ago, I am shocked to see that The Dettol Hand Sanitiser (the thing that can kill germs and bacterias without needing to use water) has totally sold out (except for the big bottle, which is rather inconvenient to bring along anywhere we go isn't it?). WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

Why Build If There Is No Buyer!

2009-07-01T07:35:00.000-07:00

NOW I am extremely nervous and startled after knowing that people are reading this blog. Oh my! When I first set up this blog, I never meant for it to be read by others as I thought who would be interested in reading a blog written by a depressed person writing about depressing and morbid stuff! I set up this blog just for the sole purpose of easing up the pain inside that I felt nowadays that I am at home and not many people were here to listen to me, for me to confide in. More frustratingly, some people even make fun and jokes out of my miserable mind. So, for those reading this blog, Do not tell me later that I did not warn you against it as even my closest of friend is avoiding reading this blog. According to him, "your blog is just to depressing. It seems to me that it encourages people to lose hope in life. If I did not know it was written by you, I would say that the author is going to commit suicide sooner or later or maybe already died." SO, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Sorry for not able to write about any happy-themed posts YET.

I have not read newspapers for quite some time already as it seems life is not as routine as it used to be this few days back. Today, for example, I was informed by my mother that my neighbourhood was going to experience water supply disruption due to maintenance purposes. So, due to this, I started to reschedule my timetable. I spend more time just laying down and being more sedentary than normal (and being more supersensitive and easily annoyed). (This is one of my weaknesses, it is difficult for me to adapt to things which is not-routine to me, thus leading to behavioral changes, mostly negative, unfortunately) (I am still trying hard to change this, hope I succeed soon).

But one thing I remember the most it seemed was when I somehow heard (from television, RTM1) a politician in the Parliament said that there are many houses but there are no buyers. WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE! And then I heard that this happened especially in the Klang Valley. The politician also ask why this happen. Why the Government approves more housing projects if there are already abundants of unsold houses? (quoting the politician)

The thing that makes me really outrage by this is, after scrapping all those land and hills of trees, ever-important useful trees! those houses left unsold! We are talking about the Klang Valley here. HELLO! THAT AREA WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY CONGESTED BY BUILDINGS, DEVELOPMENT, POLLUTION AND OF COURSE CO2, OF ALL PLACES NEEDS MORE TREES. Sometimes I wonder whether the Department of Environment and The Ministry that handles the environmental issues are actually exist. Correct me if I am wrong, but I fail to see any prominent efforts are committed by these parties (Honestly, please tell me if I am wrong as I am just writing out my opinion). Most efforts that I saw in the newspapers regarding saving the environment seemed to be conducted by NGOs. Of course, I cannot blatantly blamed the Government, they are busy themselves by many other things, but I really hope they will put more efforts in caring and preserving the environment. We, the people, also must play our parts. We cannot just leave it to the Government and NGOs to save the environment. I am of the opinion that Malaysian (mostly, not all) are not that concern about their environment. Luckily, me, as a future teacher, have the opportunities to educate and impart the important values of appreciating and caring for our environment to our next generation (IF THE ENVIRONMENT STILL EXISTS IN THE FUTURE! I really hope so. REALLY DO HOPE SO!)

Sad Breakfast

2009-06-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

Today, I suddenly realised how useful it is to watch all those breakfast show on the television (especially the English one) as they can enhance my grasp of English while watching them and at the same time learn many new information about the world around us. Today it seems, the topics are sad ones. The First topic was about ALZHEIMER.

1) ALZHEIMER. After listening attentively to their discussion, I start to worry and feel scared about it. It is a sad situation when the brain somehow starts to degenerate and slowly dying. How scary could that be! What would you feel when a doctor suddenly tell you that you will slowly lose control of yourself as your brain is dying! It must be HORRIBLE. The family member will be severely affected also. They will have to cope with behavioral changes that the patients are going through (maybe, mostly memory loss and aggressiveness) and they need to adjust their life to a new lifestyle, taking care of the patients. Can you imagine your beloved grandmother does not show signs that she recognises you and sometimes throwing tantrum and running away from home and you might not be able to see her again as she fails to find the way home. It is such a heartbreaking and devastating thing to happen isn't it?

AND TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE, THERE IS NO CURE TO ALZHEIMER. (NOT YET IT SEEMS). The only thing that we are able to do is somehow lead a healthy lifestyle (eat healthily, no cigarettes, no alcohols, and make a habit to keep on stimulating your mind by exercising it through things such as SUDOKU, READING, you know, things as such). Please also do this to your loved ones especially if they are above 65 years old. We certainly do not want ALZHEIMER to sink its teeth to our LOVED ONES, right.

2) The second topic was about some foundation trying to raise money to build a safe house and education institution for deserted, street, stateless and refugees kids. It is sad to know that they are kids out there that had lived on the street since they are ten years old, can you imagine that? We should be extremely grateful that we had been raised and cared for superbly well by our beloved parents. Those kids, they have to struggle daily to even survive in the brutal world as maybe they do not have homes or not cared for at homes. HOW SAD. These kids, they could easily be lured to the dark world of crimes and prostitution if they are not saved from those wild and dangerous environment. The Lesson here is that please be grateful to our PARENTS and remember to support all these foundations that are trying hard to make life better for the unfortunate ones out there and thus producing a better world for all.

Despair & Hopelessness

2009-06-27T09:27:00.000-07:00

I am not sure how to express my feeling now as it is so convoluted and intricate. I DO NOT WANT TO GO THERE. I really do not want to go there. For those who know what is the THERE, please try to understand me here instead of trying to advise me (I welcome any advice really) and judge me. I have many reasons why I do not want to go.

1) Nowadays, as I do not have too many work as I used to back in IPIP (I really love this place, really, despite all its shortcomings), I find myself actively thinking about everything. And I really do mean almost everything from DEATH, FAMILY, CLIMATE CHANGE, LONELINESS and many more. Mostly depressing matters. Do not ask me why I think about all these depressing thing. It just happened. I wish I did not, but I did. Almost every night I cried whenever all these came across my mind. I am of the opinion that I am experiencing major anxiety disorder. How could people who are not stable be sent THERE to study? Please anyone who know any FREE pychiatric doctor, please refer me to him/her. I am begging here!

2)I am really jealous of two of my friends. They somehow did not make it for the exam, and thus have to repeat. I was told by someone that if they do not pass the repeat, they will be absorbed to other unit. Ya ALLAH, how lucky are they? I know I sound ungrateful (ASTAGFIRULLAHALAZIM) by writing this but I really do not want to go THERE. I do not think I am prepared and good enough.

3) The only thing that make me still FORCEFULLY AND RELUCTANTLY willing to go is because I do not want to disappoint my parents and family especially my MOTHER. I could not bear to do this. They have sacrificed a lot for me. I really do not want to disappoint them. Ya ALLAH, help me. YOU know what is the best for me. Please do not let me feel despair and hopeless in my life. Ya ALLAH...

REALLY WORRIED

2009-06-19T18:51:00.000-07:00

After perusing some websites in order to prepare myself for my degree-level study later, SOMEWHERE, I just realised that I am not well prepared at all to go THERE. From the looks of it, I believed I will be facing problems especially the first few months THERE. The academic challenges seems very formidable and daunting a task and adding to that, the lack of confidants THERE will be an extremely huge problems. Even though nowadays we have all these technologies that enables us to communicate with anyone anywhere they are, but still, it will not be the same without a real life person that you can confide in THERE. Not all people are in sync with everyone else and thus leads to the existence of "click" in schools and learning institutions. Unfortunate for me, none of my real click members are going to be THERE, which spells trouble for me. I have never before being totally alone without any click members. I am not sure how I will be able to cope later THERE. Another very important point is that my FAMILY will not be there around me. They will be very far away, far far away. Ya Allah, please help me, if going THERE is the best thing for me, give me strength, patience, perseverance and courage to survive THERE, if it is not, help me find other places which are better

WHERE are the trees?!!!

2009-06-17T03:27:00.000-07:00

I noticed lately that trees are fast disappearing in this little town of mine. Where are there? It seems that they are too many wizards in this part of the world and they chose to transfigure all those beautiful, magnificent and ever important trees to HOUSES. MORE HOUSES as if there is not enough houses are there nowadays. Maybe it is true that we need more houses as the government is busy planning to increase the population, but I strongly feel that we should build more apartment instead and allocated more spaces for TREES. We need trees for many reasons. They provide us with oxygen to breath, to keep on LIVING, we need them to absorb all those CO2 that we have happily emit from our vehicles and factories and even more unacceptable, open burning. Most HUMAN really know how to "take care" of their environment they live in aren't they?! When the climate started to get warmer, all of us would whine and complaint, but look what we are doing? playing our part in deteriorating our planet which is already dying(maybe, I am not so sure, only Allah knows what really happened right?). Wake up please. We cannot expect the world to take care of themselves. We who have been created with mind that supposed to be used for thinking need to play our part in caring for this world of ours. So, please:

stop littering
start recycling anything that can be recycled
PLANT more TREES
reduce the amount of chemicals that we use in our daily life by choosing environmentally friendly products
tell others to care for the environment
reduce the amount of rubbish we produce
avoid using thing that is harmful for the environment (eg. polystyrene, plastic bag, etc)
do not practise open burning
reduce the necessities to drive vehicles and start to walk more (use umbrella if you want to avoid the sun)(WALKING WILL NOT KILL US)(I AM STILL ALIVE TO WRITE THIS BLOG RIGHT?!)
and many other things that you can check somewhere on the internet

PLEASE CARE FOR OUR ENVIRONMENT. THIS IS THE ONLY EARTH WE HAVE. PLEASE PLAY OUR PART IN CARING FOR IT.

concern...worried...insecure...

2009-06-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

Have all of you notice lately that many more problems had surfaced in this only little world of ours compared to 50 years ago. It really makes me fidgety all the time nowadays when I read newspapers or listened to the news as it seems more war, diseases, crime and uncertainties arised. Very hard to go to sleep nowadays thinking that tomorrow a war might erupted somewhere, new diseases could spark out suddenly in some parts of the world, more severe weather could occured anywhere and many more worries that will make tried and even more anxious just by typing them out. This does not take into account the possibilities of you could find yourself already dead the next day. Do we have enough good deeds to meet our Creator. Do we? With all the sins in the world that had been committed. Sometimes, most of the time really, especially at night, I cry simply thinking about all these uncertainties, which some are bound to happen eventually. Maybe the lack of things to do nowadays that exam was over makes my mind find something else to think about and it resorts to think about problems and uncertainties. I had been so used to lead a life full of hectic and rushing here and there, but now, all of a sudden, it suddenly make a sharp turn and change to become a placid, calm and slow-paced life. I guess this sudden changes caught me unprepared and thus cause problem for me to adapt, which I am still working on currently. I wonder how retired people could be happy when their life change drastically after they retire. I guess different people have different capabilities in terms of coping with changes, and one thing for sure, I am one of those people that cannot adapt quickly to a new situation and hence, it will be difficult for me to lead a calm and serene life. I hope I will be able to change for the better as the world is unpredictable and therefore the need to adapt quickly is important and vital for our own survival. Ya Allah, help me please.